Are you tired of that pesky cancer that's been troubling you in recent weeks?
Have you given up on quack therapies like homeopathy, which promise an effective treatment but which turn out to be nothing but water?
Then you should try Preventa, the new product from Northants-based Blue Gold Ltd.
Preventa is promoted as a treatment for many different kinds of cancer, despite being nothing more than, errr, water!
What's more, we're told, the process is completely safe.
"Deuterium depletion is completely safe and innocuous for healthy cells, and there were no adverse reactions or toxic side effects related to deuterium-depleted water during the 18-year-long history of DDW research and its 12-year-long application..."
The most important (or, to put it another way, "only") relevant study is a 2010 clinical trial conducted on people with prostate cancer in Hungary. At first glance, it looks like DDW helped to significantly improve their average life expectancy.
A closer examination reveals several problems. The study seems to be rigorous (another way of saying that it's free of obvious methodological flaws). However, it's only what we call a phase 2 trial. New medicines are always subjected to a further, more extensive period of study - called a phase 3 trial - before they're unleashed on the general public.
A second problem is that the 2010 trial is the only such study. Medical research demands that new discoveries should be independently verified and, for a claim that cancer can be cured simply by drinking water, we would expect lots of independent research before handing out the Nobel prizes.
Blue Gold, perhaps sensing an opportunity for gargantuan profits, don't seem to have been able to restrict their marketing appeals to those claims which are actually true.
For instance, we have this nugget:
"'The biological efficacy of the consumption of [DDW] is confirmed by research and clinical investigations. The most significant effect of deuterium depletion is the anti-tumor effect, but it was also proved that regular consumption of Preventa® optimizes the function of the immune system and slows down the processes of aging... The consumption of Preventa®-125 is recommended... as a regular drinking water for diabetic patients...'"