Get Rich With Jesus!

Here's another splendid advert from Finbarr International, Kent's nuttiest mail-order bookseller.

(Image credit - does not depict the advertiser)

Regular readers will be familiar with Finbarr, who last year inspired one of my favourite complaints. It concerned an advert which promised to show you how to make a person become your willing love slave.

Finbarr's current advert (available here) is more restrained, but not by much. The ad promotes two books.

"The Hand of God... Author E. Raphael received secret from mystic teacher and claims it transformed his fortunes...Author claims it brings him money when needed..."

"THE ORIGINAL PRAYER OF JESUS THE CHRIST... A woman carries the prayer on her & experiences incredible changes in her life... man loses all in stock market, only to regain it..."

My Christian education was fragmentary, but I'm almost sure I can remember something about that Jesus chap being against this kind of thing.

On behalf of God's only son - who is presumably busy with more important stuff - ASA complaint follows!

"I'm writing to complain about an advert in the UK edition of Nexus magazine (Apr-May 2011, p65).

The advert, for Finbarr, promotes three books which are apparently "based on proven personal experiences".

1. "The Hand of God... Author E. Raphael received secret from mystic teacher and claims it transformed his fortunes...Author claims it brings him money when needed..."

I'd like to challenge whether the claim that the "secret" can "[bring] money when needed" exaggerates the accuracy of the book.

2. "THE ORIGINAL PRAYER OF JESUS THE CHRIST... A woman carries the prayer on her & experiences incredible changes in her life... man loses all in stock market, only to regain it..."

I'd like to challenge whether the claim that the "ORIGINAL PRAYER OF JESUS THE CHRIST" can be used to make money on the stock market exaggerates the accuracy of the book.

I can confirm that I have no connections with the advertiser."

How to "make a person become your willing love slave"

As I've mentioned before, a man as devilishly handsome as I rarely has problems with the ladies.

I gather that's not true for all of you.

(Image credit)

But fear not! Finbarr International are willing to help, according to their latest advert.

"PEN & PAPER MAGIC IS THE ANSWER TO YOUR PRAYERS! ... It can bring you romance... it can make a person become your willing love slave (you think we're kidding? Just try it!)"

For some people, a new... err, "relationship" is the furthest thing from their minds.

If some cruel wench has recently shattered your heart into a million pieces, the advert advises

"...if you want to teach someone a lesson for doing you wrong it can exact revenge (but be careful; this stuff can be pretty devastating)."

There's not much more I can add to that. Since I wasn't willing to "please send us only £12.99", you'll all have to sort out your own problems. ASA complaint follows!

"I write to complain about an advert appearing in "Old Moore's Almanack (2011)" (2011 edition, published in June 2010, p21).

The advert, for Finbarr International, promotes a book called "PEN & PAPER MAGIC".

I suspect that the advert may be in breach of several sections of the British Code of Advertising, Sales Promotion and Direct Marketing (CAP) code (2010). I enclose a scan of the advert.

1. The advert offers the following résumé of the book:

"PEN AND PAPER MAGIC IS THE ANSWER TO YOUR PRAYERS! It is the answer because it is so simple! And so effective! Anyone can do it! You can be sick in bed and do it! AND THE MAGIC INVOKED IS POWERFUL! It is the same powerful magic employed by the wizards of old!"

2. Under Section 3.7 of the CAP Code (2010) I challenge whether the advertiser can substantiate any of the following claims, and under Section 3.8 I challenge whether the claims "exaggerate the value, accuracy, scientific validity or practical usefulness" of the advertised book:

(i) "Pen and Paper Magic" can cause "regular bingo & lottery wins!"
(ii) "Pen and Paper Magic" can "make a person become your willing love slave (you think we're kidding? Just try it!)"
(iii) "Pen and Paper Magic" can "bring you money - seemingly out of thin air! ... It can make people want to give you money and presents..."
(iv) "Pen and Paper Magic" can be used to "exact revenge" whenever you "want to teach someone a lesson for doing you wrong...(but be careful; this stuff can be devastating)".
(v) "Pen and Paper Magic" can be used to "OBTAIN MONEY QUICKLY - WITHOUT WAITING!"
(vi) "Pen and Paper Magic" can be used to "GET RICH AND WEALTHY!"
(vii) "Pen and Paper Magic" can be used to "OBTAIN JUSTICE!"
(viii) "Pen and Paper Magic" can be used to "EXACT REVENGE IN MONEY MATTERS!"
(ix) "Pen and Paper Magic" can be used to "EXACT REVENGE FOR ANY INJUSTICE!"

3. Under Section 16.3.15 of the Code, I challenge whether the advert "exploit[s] cultural beliefs or traditions about gambling or luck".

4. I confirm that I have no connections with the advertiser or the magazine. I confirm that I am not involved in legal proceedings with the advertiser or the magazine."

Finbarr's Lucky Numbers

Another advert from Finbarr International, the wackiest booksellers in Kent.

"Important information about numbers and their astonishing power to make [you] lucky...if you can count from 1 to 9, you can use this book!...You don't have to worry about numbers above 9!"

Phew! That's a relief.

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But wait! Don't roulette tables use numbers greater than... er, nine?

"MAN LIVES FROM GAMBLING! His speciality is the roulette wheel, for it is one of the casino devices in which it is genuinely possible to win. The book tells you how he found his lucky numbers. He has not had to work for years, but he does need to travel a lot, for he cannot keep going to the same casinos!"

If spinning wheels make you giddy, perhaps you'd prefer to try your luck at the racetrack?

"A young Quebec man loved the races, but was sustaining heavy losses and was in danger of being declared bankrupt. The author showed him how to find his lucky numbers, for he had been using the wrong numbers. IN ONE WEEK, HE PICKED SIX WINNING HORSES AT THE TRACK, NETTING HIM OVER $200,00! He has not looked back since!"

I hope he didn't bet on the Grand National. More than nine horses in it, you know.

ASA complaint follows, etc...

"I write to complain about an advert appearing in "Old Moore's Almanack (2011)" (2011 edition, published in June 2010, p29).

The advert, for Finbarr International, promotes a book called "1 to 9 - NUMBERS AND THEIR AMAZING EFFECT ON LUCK!"

I suspect that the advert may be in breach of several sections of the British Code of Advertising, Sales Promotion and Direct Marketing (CAP) code (2010). I enclose a scan of the advert.

1. The advert begins with the text:

"'I never knew my real lucky numbers until I read this.'...IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT NUMBERS AND THEIR ASTONISHING POWER TO MAKE ONE LUCKY"

2. The advert contains the following text:

"MAN LIVES FROM GAMBLING! His speciality is the roulette wheel, for it is one of the casino devices in which it is genuinely possible to win. The book tells you how he found his lucky numbers. He has not had to work for years, but he does need to travel a lot, for he cannot keep going to the same casinos! Another man won the raffle prize for 8 consecutive weeks until he was banned from entry by the organisers!"

3. The advert later continues:

"A widow distressed by her overdue mortage payments used the 1-to-9 formula when she entered the local lottery. She immediately won $355, but much more was to come: 3 weeks later, she scooped $32,359, and a month after that, $1,651! Anxiety about her mortgage is now a thing of the past..."

4. The advert contains several more claims of people enjoying success in gambling and lotteries.

5. Under Section 3.7 of the CAP Code (2010) I challenge whether the advertiser can substantiate any of the following claims, and under Section 3.8 I challenge whether the claims "exaggerate the value, accuracy, scientific validity or practical usefulness" of the advertised book:

(i) The odds offered at roulette tables allow them to beaten, over the long term
(ii) The "1-to 9 formula" can be used to make profits at roulette tables
(iii) The "1-to 9 formula" can be used to win raffles across many successive weeks
(iv) The "1-to 9 formula" can be used to repeatedly win large amounts of money in local and state lotteries
(iv) The "1-to 9 formula" can be used reliably to pick winners at the race track
(v) The "1-to 9 formula" can be used to make profits at craps (dice) tables in casinos

6. Under Section 16.3.15 of the Code, I challenge whether the advert "exploit[s] cultural beliefs or traditions about gambling or luck".

7. I confirm that I have no connections with the advertiser or the magazine. I confirm that I am not involved in legal proceedings with the advertiser or the magazine."

White Magic For Everyone!

Simon Singh, the science writer and Heroic Defender of Freedoms, got into a lot of trouble recently with the libel courts.

If only he had opened up a copy of Old Moore's Almanack at page 25, and noticed this advert from Finbarr International which claims to teach you how to "Influence a Magistrate or Judge" !

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Finbarr International - a mail-order bookseller who are presumably not related to the 7th Century Bishop of Cork pictured above - are offering a book called "WHITE MAGIC FOR EVERYONE".

Besides the ability to interfere with the judiciary, purchasers of the book are promised they will obtain

"X-Ray Vision: See Beyond Material Structures"

That'll certainly be useful for any of my readers who were not born on the Planet Krypton. Some of the less startling claims include

"Make Yourself Better Looking...Stop Hair Falling Out...Multiply Your Chances of Winning Competitions, Lotteries, etc...Have An Affair With Someone...Get Rid of Facial Spots...Overcome Frigidity..."

I'll be sending several Finbarr complaints to the ASA over the next few days. With any luck it'll give 'em a good laugh to help offset the approaching autumn.

"I write to complain about an advert appearing in "Old Moore's Almanack (2011)" (2011 edition, published in June 2010, p25).

The advert, for Finbarr International, promotes a book called "WHITE MAGIC FOR EVERYONE".

I suspect that the advert may be in breach of several sections of the British Code of Advertising, Sales Promotion and Direct Marketing (CAP) code (2010). I enclose a scan of the advert.

1. The advert begins with the text:

"WHITE MAGIC FOR MORE MONEY! WHITE MAGIC TO MAKE HAIR GROW! WHITE MAGIC TO BECOME PREGNANT! WHITE MAGIC FOR WINS AT [the] RACING TRACK! WHITE MAGIC FOR PROTECTION! WHITE MAGIC FOR EVERYONE! ... Invoke beneficient [sic] powers to solve your problems! So simple, even a child can follow! For use by persons of all religions!"

2. Under Section 3.7 of the CAP Code (2010) I challenge whether the advertiser can substantiate any of the following claims, and under Section 3.8 I challenge whether the claims "exaggerate the value, accuracy, scientific validity or practical usefulness" of the advertised book:

(i) "White Magic Spells" can "Make Yourself Better Looking", and
(ii) "Stop Hair Falling Out"
(iii) "Influence a Magistrate or Judge"
(iv) "Create a Money Magnet to Attract All The Cash You Need"
(v) "Make Hair Grow"
(vi) "Find A Lost Pet"
(vii) "Get Out of Debt"
(viii) "Multiply Your Chances of Winning Competitions, Lotteries, etc."
(ix) "Receive Money Owed To You"
(x) "Get Rid of Facial Spots"
(xi) "To Make An Infertile Womb Fertile"
(xii) "Possess X-Ray Vision: See Beyond Material Structures"

3. Under Sections 3.7 and 3.8, I likewise challenge the following claims:

(i) The "24 Sacred Talismans of Futhark" can "BRING VIRILITY", and
(ii) "...BRING SPEEDY CONCEPTION"
(iii) "...BANISH ANY ADDICTION"

4. (i) The advert contains the text:

"And so potent is White Magic that it enabled one woman, homeless and penniless, to obtain the home she wanted! It also brought her a £10,000 win at bingo!"

(ii) Under Section 16.3.15 of the Code, I challenge whether the advert "exploit[s] cultural beliefs or traditions about gambling or luck".

5. Under Section 12.23, I challenge whether the advertiser can "provide scientific evidence, if relevant consisting of trials conducted on people" for their claims that "White Magic" can "Stop Hair Falling Out" and "Make Hair Grow".

6. I confirm that I have no connections with the advertiser or the magazine. I confirm that I am not involved in legal proceedings with the advertiser or the magazine."